No Longer an Orphan

NOTE: Today’s guest post is from Margie Garrison. She has written a guest post here before. I met Margie over twenty years ago at ORU, and we recently reunited at our gym. Here, I attend a fun Zumba class she teaches. Inspired by her journey with God, I asked her to share whatever was on her heart. 

Romans 8:15 (NLT):

“So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.  Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’”

I woke up at midnight with shortness of breath and an overwhelming feeling of needing to run away somewhere— but I didn’t know where. I had never experienced this feeling before and it scared me. Shortly thereafter, I asked my husband to take me to the nearest ER because I felt something was wrong with my heart and wanted it checked out.

Earlier that year, my husband experienced seizures that had put his life in dangerous situations on various occasions. I tried very hard to control everything in our home and in our personal lives to keep them from coming on. But this control was consuming my mind and fear was slowly choking my heart.

So, the night before the ER visit, I lay in bed reciting Scriptures over my husband (not in faith, but in fear), wondering when the next seizure would attack. I went to sleep with worry weighing heavily on my heart, wondering if I had done everything right to keep our “rocky world” peaceful one more day.

At the hospital, they ran tests and that early morning, the attending doctor said, “Mrs. Garrison, all the test came back and there’s nothing wrong with your heart.  It appears that what you have experienced is anxiety and you had a panic attack. Here, take this prescription; this medication will help manage your anxiety.” I left the hospital fearful, thinking, “I don’t want to manage my anxiety. I want to be free from it.”

When we returned home from the hospital, I cried out to God, telling him that I couldn’t do this any longer. This was too much for me to carry. 

In my heart, I heard him say, “You were not meant to carry this on your own. I have been waiting for you to give this to me.” That day, I casted the care of my husband on God, and He showed me that I had an “orphan” heart.

  • An orphan has no one to love them. 
  • An orphan has no one to protect or provide for them. 
  • An orphan has no one to belong to. 

This control I had was rooted in fear—the fear of loss. What was the loss I feared? The loss of the man who loves me, who protects and provides for me, and who chose me to be his. My orphan heart came from a place when words were said as a young teenager that forever marked me. Words that wounded deeply and like a recording in my heart, kept reminding me that I was not good enough to be loved. 

Now that I had found someone who loved me unconditionally, I was afraid to lose him. And if I were to lose him, who would love me like he did? It was through the process of renewing my mind through God’s word about His love for me that my heart began to heal.

Perfect love casts out fear because fear has torment. (from 1 John 4:18)

As my heart began to be perfected and developed in the knowledge of God’s love for me as my Father, fear began to lose its grip on it. He showed me through His Word that He loves me; He cares for me; I belong to him.

It has been many years since that ER visit, but does fear still try to creep in my heart and lie that I am unloved, unworthy, and unwanted? Yes, but I don’t have to listen to that voice anymore. I remind myself that I am no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God. I am no longer an orphan, but I have a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for me. A Heavenly Father who calls me His own.

Do you feel like you have an orphan heart?

What areas in your life do you feel fearful or like you are losing control?

Find several Scriptures in God’s Word pertaining to those areas then meditate on them for some time and allow the power of the Holy Spirit to expel fear and the lies of the enemy.

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About the Author

Margie Garrison