Get on the Teeter Totter

“I will never leave you alone, never! And I will not loosen my grip on your life! So we can say with great confidence: I know the Lord is for me and I will never be afraid of what people may do to me!” (Hebrews 13:5b-6 TPT)


Photo Credit: Eric Burt (CC)

Ever feel like you’re on a teeter totter? Your emotions are up and down. One day, you’re feeling like you could conquer Mount Everest; other days you’re just relieved you survived the day.

This past month, I felt like that. For two weeks, I was riding high, like I could soar through the clouds. I felt content with my life, fulfilled with God, and enjoying my friendships.

Then the next two weeks hit me. One circumstance in particular pushed me toward the ground. It had so many tentacles attached that I felt overwhelmed.

Often when I feel overwhelmed, rejected, and wrongly perceived, I tend to have an affair with loneliness. I welcome him in like an abusive lover, even though I know better. For I knew those emotions weren’t true, but I struggled to navigate through the perception that I was alone.

But this time while I was brooding for days, I asked God about this issue. (Trust me, I didn’t want to because I preferred to keep my affair going.)

I asked him what lie was I believing that empowered this feeling of loneliness and rejection. He said, “You feel you’re not enough.” I slumped my shoulders. For this lie has taunted me on many issues. So, once I accepted that I heard from him, I renounced the lie. Then asked God for truth.

His answer: “I’ll never leave you, nor forsake you.” At first, I thought I didn’t hear from him, but that answer came from my soul. Because I’m wondering, “What does you not leaving me have to do with feeling rejected by others? I know you accept me, but what about this person?”

Immediately, the Holy Spirit revealed that God’s grace is with me as I learn that through him, I’m enough. I don’t need others to validate my worth. So, while I’m getting transformed into the image of Christ, he’s with me as I navigate interacting with others. So, I don’t need to handle people and difficult circumstances through my own strength, but can ask God for guidance, grace, and goodness.

In other words, I don’t need to rely on myself, nor afterwards, do I need to dissect the encounter alone. He’s with me to show me what I need to learn from the experience.

(As an explanation, I tend to play tennis with my thoughts after interacting with people. I go back and forth with many conversations and reactions that I had with people, wondering, “Was I awkward? Did they react negatively to something I said? Did I offend them?”)

Something beautiful happened this past week. After he gave me this truth, I asked him for help. I didn’t feel the earth shatter or darkness dissipate after my prayer. But the next day, while I still felt lonely, God’s tangible presence came like a sudden gust of wind, ushering in warmth, peace, and love.

It hit me. What God wants is for me to need him in every circumstance. In every encounter with people. In every trial I face. I had thought I needed to be “strong” and demonstrate “faith” in myself to believe God. But what he wants is for me to be weak and rely on his strength. I don’t have to be strong in my faith, but trust him in the midst of fear, stress, and frustration.

For he will walk with me as I’m stumbling, crying, and feeling alone. It’s not the absence of our negative emotions that demonstrates faith, it’s in the midst of it. When I’m doubting, fearful, or anxious.

For God says, “Hey, Sarah. I’m with you in all your interactions. If you’re struggling in the moment, ask me for guidance. And when it’s over, ask me to reveal what happened then teach you how to rely on me in the next encounter.”

Oh, so you’re teaching me that these encounters are not something to disparage over, but learn from? It’s okay that I felt frustrated, alone, scared?

Yes, because it’s a journey. He’s showing me that every encounter with others is an opportunity to grow, learn how to love, and gain discernment and wisdom. It’s normal to struggle, get frustrated, make mistakes, but in the midst of all that, he is with me.

I’m encouraged to realize that just because I’m struggling with a lie that I’m not enough or wrestling over people’s perception of me, it isn’t a problem with him. He’s the one who’s my strength when I’m weak. So, he’s walking me through these trials and encounters before, during, and after. What does he wants from me? My willingness to rely on his grace, truth, and love to get me through each day. After all, he’s the one sitting behind me on the teeter totter controlling how high and how low and how fast we go.

What about you? What has God’s truth that he is always with you, helped you? Please share in Comments below. Thank you.

 

 

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About the Author

sarahsoonwriter

Friend of God. Writer. Resting in His grace daily.